woah. hi.
it has certainly been a while. i have to dust off all my rusty code. i want to start from scratch. i also never know what to say and want to delete everything i say all the time. i don't like talking - writing, in this case - if there is nothing to say. but i also want to kickstart this whole thing again, so i guess just writing words is the way to go.
i keep having to look back at the html of another page i've been setting up a little in the first weeks of last month to remember how to do things. it's kind of depressing to know that i dusted off my html a little and created some things, only to kind of come up at a blank again when starting this page. how quickly do i forget? *crying emoticon*
anyways. um. i swallowed 4 novels in the past 6 days. i am sad they are over. (i always try to read more slowly but alas. savouring is not in the cards if the books are just too good.)
what else? i don't really know. i don't really like talking about myself. the reason i am not mentioning which novels is because of this weird deep-seated paranoia that someone might see and figure out who i am. or like. steal my brain. idk. not something to get into now, so the novels stay unnamed.
i don't yet know what i want to do with this page, as when i started it, i had big ambitions & stuff. now, i want to approach it differently. i want to start everything from scratch. i want it to evolve more naturally.
i will be deleting the css files and abandoning the pre-made structure, doing everything by hand. at some point.
writing is so hard, why do i cringe at all of my words. english is also just a weird language. why do i write in english? because the books i read were in english and the whole internet (hyperbole) is in english, i guess.
so. the webpage. i wrote a whole lot of words for a whole lot of nothing. perhaps this is just as good a start as any. i really don't want to pressure myself so this is where i end it.
this was supposed to feel fresh and lively but now i just feel sad. that's okay. i'm always kind of sad these days. everything is really a lot. i don't have to make sense of anything.
bye bye, we will see where this goes.
...
after like. two seconds of deliberation... here are more random things to say:
website name. i don't even remember why i chose alienbug. all i know is: i will change it. at some point. for now it's still cool; maybe i will keep it? i don't know. it doesn't quite fit perfectly, but it also still does kind of fit. to me i mean. who do i want to be? always a loaded question. i still don't know. barely out of the horror that is pure survival, so i gotta take things slow i guess. alienbug it is for now, my old theme probably still there for now, but things will change. i actually quite like the other website i started working on (once again not named bc of these random anxieties) actually has a cool structure i might adopt here too.
ok now this is the end of wasting space with words. i will stop speaking & start doing.